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“Ivanka. Light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. I-van-ka.” So says her lecher-father, Donald Trump? Nah. Trump has never read Nabokov (or any other writer) and anyway Access Hollywood didn’t catch that quote on the tape. But he has said (on tape for “The View”), “If Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.” And then there’s this from Howard Stern’s broadcast, “She’s a piece of ass.” Or this from “Dr. Oz,” “If I weren’t happily married, and you know, her father …”  OK, if you weren’t her father, you’d be banging your daughter, we get it. 

Has anybody asked Ivanka? 

I think not. Just like Trump never asked the 26 women who have subsequently accused him of sexual misconduct. I forget about them, sometimes for months at a time. Onrushing Trump scandals and schisms take over the news. He banned Muslims. He caged children. He denied climate change. He warred with people and it was always the wrong people. He wooed people and it was always the wrong people. He bungled the pandemic. He fomented insurrection. It is forgivable that I sometimes forget about the 26 accusers. But it’s not forgivable that they exist, that Trump sexually abused 26 women. 

No. No one has asked Ivanka if Donald is her type. He’s not. Ivanka’s type is the Vice President of Junior Achievement. Jared Kushner. 

And so Ivanka has been spared “the worst 90 seconds of (her) life,” according to Stormy Daniels. And even though that sounds pretty forgettable, never forget.